Happy Birthday Kibs!!!!

Today, Oct. 27th is Kibs 56th birthday. Happy Birthday Kibs! Though you are not with us anymore, you are always in our hearts and minds and I send my birthday greetings up to you in heaven today. I miss you so much everyday and most especially today on your birthday. Mommy, Daddy and the girls surely have their own individual reflective and somber thoughts of you today and though it may seem like a sad day without you here with us anymore, it is still a Happy Birthday to you celebrating in heaven! How wonderful your birthday up there must be.... :)

It has been 6 months since Kibs passed and it feels both like it was only yesterday and also like a lifetime ago. Though the days for me have been lighter and manageable when I remember my brother, this week has been a little bit tough for the memories past and for the thought of celebrating Kibs birthday without him anymore. Mom had to be hospitalized again last week at the Arcadia Methodist Hospital because of internal bleeding.The last time Mommy was confined in Arcadia Methodist was 3 years ago in 2009 when she had her near fatal heart attack. Kibs flew out here all the way from the Philippines to stay with me for 4 months to help me care for Mommy. He would spend the day in the hospital with Mom while I was at work and coordinate with the doctors for the daily medical updates to Mom's condition. He took time out of his life in Cebu to come here to take care of Mom when she was sick and help me too. So when I was walking around in the Methodist hospital this past week, I was feeling so melancholic because I remembered Kibs so much around the hospital. I missed his reassuring presence and calm demeanor in the face of Mom's serious health crisis then.  Last week when Mom had to be rushed again to the Emergency and then ICU because she was vomiting a lot of blood, I did not feel any panic and had this uncanny calm feeling and knew that though Mom's condition again seemed serious, I was not worried and knew she would overcome this health setback and recover from this. While following the ambulance taking Mom to the hospital last Tuesday, as I was nearing the hospital I "talked" to Kibs like I usually do while driving alone and I just felt like he was with me in spirit and was letting me know that Mom would be alright. It seemed I could hear his voice in my head saying "Mom will be alright Pinks".  And then a calm and soothing feeling settled in me and that was when I knew Kibs was watching over Mom and me still. So after 1 week  in the hospital, Mom is now back home and recovering well.  Thank God and yes Kibs was still taking care of Mom.  In the hospital Mom kept repeating over and over again that Kibs bday was coming up on Oct. 27th. And just this afternoon at home, she again reminded me of his bday today and kept saying "Ekieboy, Ekieboy, Ekieboy". It seemed like she was just chanting his name or calling out to him in prayer or just saying his name over and over again because she was missing him.  And it kind of broke my heart hearing her say his name over again as it felt to me that  it was a mother calling out to her first born...56 years ago, the unico hijo and first child was born... and 56 years after he is gone too.... gone too soon.

I read the article about Queen Latifah and  how she felt when she lost her brother and I easily could relate and intensely feel the same way as she does. It indeed does feel like I have lost a limb or a part of me when Kibs died. Of course every loss of a loved one breaks your heart and also takes a part of your life away. But the way Queen Latifah described the loss of her brother as an amputation seemed so real and so apt as to how I also feel without Kibs here anymore.  But what strikes me about this article  is the straightforward line that  like Queen Latifah,eventually, I will need to " rebuild parts of myself and find a way to live without the limb". Our whole family will now have to live without Kibs and though the loss and pain is still so fresh and still so hard to bear, eventually each of us will find our own way to deal with it.
         
Everybody dreams and dreams can be different for a lot of people. I read that creative people have vivid dreams. So naturally I will concur that I am not a creative person mainly because I do not have vivid dreams. I mostly cannot remember my dreams when I wake up and I know for sure that I only have black and white  dreams, never color. That speaks a lot about the "not creative" part in me.... :)

However my very creative and crafty sister, Lalay, does get the vivid and meaningful dreams which she shares with me from time to time. And sometimes she has dreams that come true or carry a very significant message worth analyzing. And just last September, 4 months after Kibs death, she dreamt of him and it gave me much comfort and joy to know that Kibs sent a message thru her dream. In her own words and with her permission, anyone who knows my brother Kibs would just smile while reading Lalay's account of her dream below as it is so Kibs and certainly such a comforting message that he is happy and at peace now in heaven....

"I had a very strange dream of Kibs. I was watching some sort of parade and there was a big float coming in the shape of a pirate ship. There on the deck was Marlon dressed as a pirate and smiling. I looked up as the float seemed like it was up floating very high and I told Marloni how glad I was to see him and that I was very sorry that I had negative feelings about his illness initially. He just cocked his head to one side and suppressed a smile as if to say 'ikaw ha!'. It was at that moment that I knew this was not just a simple dream but this was really Marlon talking to me because that was so him. Why he was a pirate, that's the strange bit..but then dreams are always strange. I asked Marlon to get down so I could give him a hug and he said that it was 'not allowed'. He said he was just given permission to show himself but it was against the rules to linger and give me a hug. He looked happy and he smiled all the time. then the pirate ship floated up higher and he was gone but a photograph of him in the pirate ship floated down and I picked it up from the ground. As I picked it up, I heard his voice from above telling me not to worry about him and to tell YOU and JOJING that he was okay. I woke up not even feeling sad..I felt sort of relieved. 

So knowing how Kibs is, I was so happy and comforted to hear of this dream of Lalay with a specific message for Jojing and me. He was bidding us goodbye and he was on his way up going into the light. And so today on his birthday, I am sure Kibs is smiling his shining light up there partying! Happy Birthday Kibs! We love you and we miss you dearly!

P.S. Jojing's birthday gift for Kibs was bringing Marcus, Kibs son to Hongkong for a short trip. Anton also got to tag along, thanks to his Tita too :).