Just when the waves have ebbed a bit for my brother, here come the waves of grief and minggaw come crashing down again in me for Mommy. Mommy is gone now and decided that April 30, 2013 was the day she said goodbye to her earthly life. Though I, Lalay and Jojing have prepared ourselves for this eventuality since last year, there is no balm or magic pill that prevents us not to still feel the pain and grief of her loss, nothing can erase the lonely and sad emotion that our mother is not with us anymore. But Mommy is home now.... she is now resting and at peace and reunited with her beloved parents, Lolo Jose and Nanay and only brother, Tito Boy and best of all, she and Kibs are now together. I can just imagine how much joy Mom felt when Kiboy welcomed her into his arms...in a tight embrace of love, eternal peace and joy - a mother and son reunited. This scenario in my mind and heart of Mom and Kibs reuniting is important and is of significance that only Mom and I can understand. When Kibs died last year, Mom took it all in quietly and calmly without any tears or verbal anguish and not once did she ask me about his illness or any of the circumstances of his passing. In short, Kibs death was too painful for her to think about or vocalize in any way - so Mom never asked or talked to me about Kibs since then. She buried her grief deep down and shut it out and tuned out of it. And when Mom died, our dear aunt Tita Eunice Lopez pointed out to me that now Mom is set free from her "lu-om sa dughan" (deep despair in the depths of her heart) ...in short Mom is now free from the heavy burden of grief she surpressed when faced with Kibs sudden death. Now they are both together and now only have shining light, peace, endless joy and happy hearts in the place up there, where no pain, sorrow, and unhappiness will ever touch them again.
And so...beam me up please???????? While doing my early morning walk around the neighborhood, I could not help but miss Mommy. I used to accompany her on weekends for her short morning walking exercises. Mom spent the last 3 years of her life in our little house in Pasadena and so it is inevitable that not a day goes by that I am not reminded of her and the memories we shared living together.
So this morning while walking, I heard the song by Pink "Beam me Up" and I just wished I could be "beamed up" for a minute to see Mommy as I was missing her so much. Wouldn't be great to just be beamed up even for a minute to be face to face with loved ones who have passed? When the waves of grief and longing crash its waves down on our faltering spirits and heart, we wish that our departed love ones were still with us.
Mom died in her sleep on April 30th - I could not wake her up anymore for her evening medication. She just went peacefully but unexpectedly in her sleep. And I was not even able to say goodbye. But Mommy is home now and happily so. She was laid to rest in Queen City Memorial Park beside Lolo Jose, Nanay Flavia and Tito Boy Muana and they are now complete and together with the addition of Kibs.
That is our family in heaven now, our angels watching over us. There will still be waves of grief and sad remembrance ebbing and crashing into my own and my sisters' and father's hearts and there will be lots of times when I still wish to be beamed up no matter how impossible it may be, but through the tears and sadness, the memories of Mommy and Kibs would always warm my heart and still put a smile to my face.
Beam Me Up - by Pink
That is our family in heaven now, our angels watching over us. There will still be waves of grief and sad remembrance ebbing and crashing into my own and my sisters' and father's hearts and there will be lots of times when I still wish to be beamed up no matter how impossible it may be, but through the tears and sadness, the memories of Mommy and Kibs would always warm my heart and still put a smile to my face.
Beam Me Up - by Pink
