It is indeed so ironic that in our lives, we take so much for granted... especially family.
Not because we do not care for them or cherish them but because we always think we would always have them in our lives and be with them. And I am one who always thought Kibs would always be around even if we both lived in different continents. I even assumed that I would take care of him when he was old and gray. But those were the things I assumed and thought would happen in our lives and yes took for granted...only to be bereft of Kibs when he passed away on May 2012.
My brother and I were not close as siblings when we were younger. He was the shining star of the family the day he was born and as the first born, naturally acquired the propensity of wanting to be in the spotlight always and act like a mini-adult. And because he had a genius IQ, all the more he thought the world revolved around him. :) So it was more 2 separate worlds we revolved around as children, his own world and the 3 younger sisters' space.
He was not a mean older brother but more of an indifferent brother was how we saw him when we were kids. So naturally, I cannot recall any bonding moments with my brother when I was younger. What irony to now recall all that and compare it to the times Kibs and I spent together the few years before he died. Kibs and I spent a few months together in 2008 here in the US when he came for a visit and vacation. And then he came back again in 2009 when he came to help me care for Mom. Those were the times that we finally connected as siblings and call it maturity and getting older and mellower (both from our sides), but I truly saw and appreciated how a loving and caring brother and older sibling he was after all.... and more so, he was a selfless loving son who took care of Mom in the hospital for 3 months.
We did not bond much when we were kids but those times he spent with me and Mom here in the U.S. in 2008 and 2009 made up for a million years of bonding as brother and sister....and that is why I will grieve and miss my brother for a million years too.... till the day when we meet again up there too.
Every morning when I wake up, I hear this bird chirping outside in the garden and I imagine the chirping bird is saying "Pinks, Pinks". I imagine Kibs calling out to me and giving me a good start to my day. I still hear Kibs voice in my head and still see his skippy walk when I think of him. I talk to him constantly and even if he is not here anymore, I know he has been watching over the family and has been my daily source of strength and hope in the midst of all the family challenges that have come my family's way after his death.
Today would have been his 58th birthday...and though he is not with us anymore, today definitely is a significant day for the family when Kibs was born 58 years ago....a special day for a special person. Happy Birthday in heaven Kibs!
