Hi Kibs!

Hi Kibs! Today is your  3rd death anniversay. You left us so suddenly on that 21st of May 2012 early in the morning. It was a Monday morning there on May 21st and it was Sunday afternoon here in the US (May 20). I still remember that day vividly. And being thousand of miles away from you, I was still able to say goodbye to you over the phone before you passed and though I knew you could not answer me back anymore, I know you heard my last words to you. And now it has been 3 years since you are gone. Life has not been the same for us your sisters and Daddy too after your passing. And I am sure our cousins and your friends also miss you and your presence in their lives. And my world is one less smile everyday because you are not around anymore.

So today, to assuage my sadness of remembering you, I am writing you a letter like we are just talking face to face.  How I wish we still had our regular conversations like before. 

Dearest brother Kibs, I miss you everyday of my life just as I miss Mommy too. I am sure the both of you are happy and at peace now there in Heaven. I know that the both of you watch over me and the rest of the family everyday. But 3 years has passed and it still seems like only yesterday that you died. When I was told that you had stage 4 pancreatic cancer, I could not believe it! And just a month after that diagnosis, you were gone. I was told that it was good I was not there to see you in the last 2 weeks of your disease as I would not be able to handle seeing you in great pain and suffering. But no matter, I still wished I was there to be with you during your last few weeks of your life.

If you were still here today, I know I would have had such a comforting confidante to talk to and listen and understand me. I could always talk to you and you would listen and not impose your own opinions and views but instead would offer comforting advice to me. You were the genius in the family and your brain was like an encyclopedia and so it was natural for you to love conversations and discussions with just about any person you were in front of. I am not intellectual as you and do not have any brilliant mind but when you and I were in a conversation, you always made it a point to hear me out and listen intently to what I have to say like I was the brilliant one between us. You always put value on the person you are with and always showed your respect by acknowledging his/her space and his/her opinions.  You listened to people and not just heard them for the sake of hearing. And even if I am younger than you, you always showed me respect like I was the older one, especially with family decisions. You may have been pain in the head for the family during your younger years and you indeed acted like the whole world revolved around your genius self then. But as we all got older, matured into adulthood, pursued careers, had families and eased into mid-life, you eventually mellowed and calmed down and tried to be the loving brother we sisters did not experience when we were younger.  

And so I miss the loving brother you were to me. I miss your smiling self, I miss your no-miss email greetings on all holidays and occasions, I miss the sight of your skippy step,I miss the various conversations we had about your sons (who by the way have grown up to become such kind, responsible admirable young men - they both make us all proud!), I miss all your chismis and insider details on juicy family stories or events, I miss reading your detailed, comprehensive and astute project studies, I miss the image of seeing you seated anywhere reading your book with beer and peanuts on hand....and so much more.... I still feel sad at the memory of you and still wished you were still here with us.

The family has become incomplete without you around anymore. But life does go on and so I remember you today, still with sadness and grief in my heart, but also with much love, joy and gratefulness for the memories you left behind. I know you want me to remember you with smiles and not tears and I always try my best to do that. One day, we will meet again...but for now you live in our hearts and I know you are with me everyday... in the morning sun that rises, in the chirping of the birds, in the clear blue skies up above, in the breeze of the wind, in the beautiful sunsets and even in the night.

Watch over us Kibs, give Mommy a kiss and my love and especially watch over Anton and help him recover and walk again. I love you forever my brother and I  miss you forever too!